Annisa FR: 2013

There is something with rain that brings every memory back to its owner, rain has the power of nostalgic. The memory of you playing with a friend under the rain or the one of you staying in a cafѐ that played your current favorite slow song at the moment or the one of you confessed to someone you love. Even the memory aside from the touch of rain itself, could be brought back with rain.

There is something contained in old songs aside from lyrics and melody, there is a memory of the listeners. The song absorbs memory from your ears, because ears are the closest to the brain, maybe that’s why.

There is something about you that makes me remember the rain because you smell like a fresh damp soil after raining and there’s something about rain that reminds me of you. The sound of the rain when the waterdroplets hit the ground reminds me of how noisy you were at the time we together, you sound like rain and rain smell like you. If there isn’t tea and sugar, rain and you would be the best couple on earth.

I never really thought about how rain sounds nor how it brings back memories before, but you introduce me to it. You introduced to me a part of you, but I never introduce you to my heartbeat, which is also a part of me.

I don’t know how heartbeat becomes the part of me since the first place, I barely know it, I sometimes don’t even notice it before. But suddenly you makes me learn how to know my heartbeat by leaving.

Once you left, heartbeat starts speaking to me, it tells me how much I miss you, how much I need you and how much a fool I am to let you go. The rain should have gone with you, but without me noticing, the rain has became a part of me too. Heartbeat speaks to me and the rain feels me.

They force me to tell you the truth, the very truth I just found out once you left.

That...

The rain has became a part of me because it’s yours and the heartbeat speaks and tells about the true feeling like mouth has never done before.

I miss you.

These are some parts of my memory about middle school.

They are all lovely and immortal.

So, there they are....

My picture with Widya, Virda and Malika right after (or before... not sure lol) our drama assignment started,

my picture with Widya and Virda in front of our seventh grade class when we were still seventh graders,

Another picture of me with Widya and Virda (took a lot and have so much memories about them! *hug*) in Bogor for our field trip in eight grade (I could remember clearly I cried over stupid thing there),

...Another picture of me with Widya and Virda, taken at photobooth in a certain Mall in our town, it was in eight grade if I'm not mistaken,

Picture of me, Firda, Nadia and Delfiera wearing or riding? lol something like sandals, before breakfasting at school, it was in eight grade maybe?

Lika, Fira, Vanny, Widya, Me and Neema >< kyaaa we looked so awful after school ><

Me alone, in Gibran's house when our group had a cooking assignment and I was the one who cook /proud/ it was in Eight grade,

Fira, Vanny and Me... not sure when, but it was in KFC lmao all time favorite hang out place >< Was it when Vanny's birthday?

Widya and Me, lol it's just silly we took picture from the up ><

Devia and Me, holding sapphire blue ballons in Diva's room, at seventh grade? When we were escaping from a school event ><

Kintan and Me, after drama assignment over. We still looked cute and adorable and ugh ;3

With Virda, Widya and Ramdha, on our first field trip to Bogor Botanical Garden... We used to be a severe camera whore lmao

Me, alone, Bogor again? My class' refreshing event back in seventh grade,

With Malika, Kintan, Virda and Widya... Oh how I miss to sit there all day ;( It was in our class, we used to be placed there for two years straight and when we were just getting used with the room... they changed our class T T I miss hanging there, telling stories, sometimes take pictures, sometimes work on our supposed-to-be-done-at-home-homework T T

Math class, ninth grade, when our math teacher purposefully locked us inside so we would be late for the next lesson. The teacher's really playful n_n been our homeroom teacher for two years straight since eight grade <3 font="">

It was in the class right in the corner of our school, that time we were supposed to stay in social class but the teacher didn't come and we got bored so... we took pictures a la a la model lmao

Ninth grade, yearbook photoshoot T T oh how I miss that moment so much. It was lunch time and after we'd eaten our meals, a girl in my class brought her guitar and told us to sing together before we really separated. It was first strike, we just whined at her. Second strike was when we were singing Katy Perry's The One That Got Away, the girl that played guitar suddenly said "I'm gonna mis our moment together, singing like this." and that was it. Someone cried. It was actually girls talk so no boys :p It was really touching I want to do that again ;'(

Ninth grade, just last month? Our farewell party (which didn't feel like 'farewell' because the next day we should meet again to plan our booth for our school's art festival) at Bogor (I really don't know why I never travel further with friends)

Seventh grade's Kartini Day, kkk~ that was really fun, I've only experienced one Kartini Day at middle school wearing kebaya because the other two years spent by wearing uniform ;'( So that's memorable <3 font="">

Eight grade's class refreshing event at a Zoo in Bogor (now that I keep mentioning it, I realize how much I've spent my refreshing times in Bogor -_-) Widya Prita Kintan Bepe Gina <3 font="">

With Widya, Bepe and Kintan. Taken by Kintan's (it was) brand new iPad >< she had been whining about it for a month and finally her father bought it for her, she took it to school and BAM! our camera-whoring victim ><

Danger Family <3 actually="" after="" and="" back="" best="" birthday="" but...="" detail="" diva="" don="" family="" font="" front="" had="" her="" house="" i="" in="" lololol="" managed="" meant="" middle="" my="" of="" prank="" really="" remember="" s="" school.="" t="" taken="" the="" to="" us="" ve="" we="" wtf29="">

Well, it was taken in front of our old class ;'(

and that one was taken in front of our new class ;'3

was taken at the major breakfasting event at school, eight grade maybe.

Taken at Lika's birthday, we caked her face and.... I fell >< that was the most memorable fall I've experienced ;') I fell like I wanted to fly T T

That... Umh... How do I explain that one? So, Widya and I were offered lunch by Virda the goddess of warm-heart, she said it was her treat so Widya and I went with her to the nearest restaurant from school. And in short, we went crazy and went under the table... and stupidly took a freaking picture that could only last forever T T

My seventh grade's drama team, Geng Daud ;;) 21st January 2011, a major drama performance.

Another geng daud picture, I just love them so much <3 font="">

It's... I don't know... We were just breakfasting together but it was so much fun! ^^

Hai semuanya, hihi... Akhirnya nulis lagi setelah sekiAAAAAAAn lama, hahahaha ><

Actually, I've had intention to write since what? gazzilion years ago? lol tapi aku engga bisa karena sepertinya engga menarik juga hari hari pertama ku di kelas 9 ini karena kerjaannya belajar, belajar, belajar dan fangirling kkkk~ Walaupun sejujurnya porsi fangirling sama porsi belajarnya banyakan porsi fangirlnya >< wah jadi malu deh! #APASIH #NGEK #HAHAHAHA

Jadi, sebetulnya kalian sudah tau kan, aku ngga bakal disini kalau ngga punya cerita atau kalau kegalauanku belum mencapai tingkat paling tinggi/maksimal. HEHEHEHE, jadi memang iya ini cuma another galau nite for me, karena ya Tuhan... Demi apapun, aku ciyusan galau ini! HAHAHAHA

Kenapa kamu?

Aku kenapa? Duh, bahkan aku ngga ngerti sama perasaan ku sendiri! (Drama biar banyak yang baca ><)
Tapi aku jujur engga tahu, aku engga ngerti apa sebetulnya yang mesti aku galauin dari hal yang sudah SEHARUSNYA dan hal yang memang dari awal SUDAH BEGITU... Makanya aku pun heran, kapan aku bisa berhenti jadi remaja labil begini ;A;

Jadi begini ceritanya: PEOPLE MOVED ON BUT I CAN'T, PEOPLE CHANGED BUT I DON'T.

Singkat bukan? Kalau engga salah aku pernah bilang kalau 'People changes, Feeling changes' di salah satu blog spot tapi... kenapa tiba-tiba pemikiran tersebut bikin aku insekiyur sendiri? Bagus kalau pemikiran itu bisa bikin aku jadi insinyur, ini bikin aku insekyur! #APAAN

Aku bukan orang yang terlalu suka perubahan, walaupun yah memang dunia dan orang orang butuh perubahan yang kecil, besar, buruk ataupun baik. Tapi sebaik apapun perubahan itu, ada saatnya kita rindu keadaan sebelum si perubahan mengubah segalanya, susah untuk adaptasi sama orang-orang baru, mungkin bukan benar-benar orangnya yang baru melainkan pribadi yang baru, keadaan mereka yang baru. Disaat seperti itu, aku yang engga berubah, aku yang begini begini aja, cuma bisa apa? Ya mau engga mau menerima dia lagi. Karena, dalam keadaan yang kamu sadar bahwa semua berubah, orang-orang berubah, keadaan berubah, posisimu berubah, kamu cuma bisa dua... Ikut berubah atau Menerima perubahan itu.

Aku juga bukan orang yang suka ambil resiko (aku memang pengecut kok!) jadi, selama ini, aku hanya bisa menerima pelan-pelan dan mengikuti maunya si pribadi-pribadi baru ini. Entah kenapa menurutku, orang bisa berubah drastis, seperti ruh lain masuk ke dalam orang ini, hahahaha... serius deh! Kekuatan perubahan begitu besarnya, begitu banyaknya orang yang berubah, tapi aku masih disini. Jadi aku yang menurutku adalah aku, dan menjalani kehidupan yang aku banget.

Aku pernah baca beberapa artikel tentang Comfort Zone. Sesungguhnya engga terlalu mengerti sih, tapi... yang aku tangkep dari artikel-artikel itu, intinya adalah kalau kita harus keluar dari zona nyaman kita, seperti aku yang engga mau ambil resiko, aku harus keluar dari zona nyamanku ini/sifat jelekku ini, sekali-kali kan ambil resiko ngga pa-pa.

Aku udah beberapa kali coba berubah kok! Tapi ya itulah, aku mungkin memang dasarnya engga peka atau gimana aku engga ngerti, tapi aku engga ngerti apa yang harus mesti ku ubah dari diriku, apa yang mesti aku perbaiki? Selama ini teman-teman sepertinya tidak komen apa-apa tentang aku yang begini atau aku yang begitu, walaupun terkadang mereka suka menasihati tapi... still no comment. Lalu aku harus apa?

Entah kenapa 2012 yang lalu, waktu cepat sekali berjalan... Atau mungkin Ia tidak jalan tapi berlari. Aku yang masih kebingungan, aku yang masih beradaptasi, aku yang labil sekaligus aku yang fragile (because kalau I bilang 'RAPUH' kesannya I kok lemahski bgt gitu hihihi) tiba-tiba harus dihadapi dengan already-changed friends yang semakin tegar, dewasa dan berani. You know, kalau aku boleh lebay, aku merasa seperti butiran debu. Kenapa aku tumbuh lama sekali? Kenapa untuk menjadi dewasa itu susah sekali? Kenapa berubah rumit? dia hanya kata kerja, which means itu adalah kerjaan, dan seharusnya BERUBAH itu gampang kan? Kenapa mesti rumit begini?

Jadi beginilah, my early two thousand and thirteen spent with identity crisis. Who am I? What am I doing? Where is my destination? Which person I am? When will I change? How did I end up thinking about this mess?

Mess. My life was a mess in the early 2013. My friends got new friends, they get along well until now, they've found better friends and I'm here stuck with my friends who already made many connections with world while I'm here, hanging out with virtual friends talking about handsome guys who don't even know we're exist. Pathetic do I sound?

Ditambah stress ujian nasional, well couldn't you find anything better to torture me? But whoever-this-you-is you succeed because I'm way more than feeling like I'm tortured.

I don't blame my friends if they get more friends than I, if they hang out with different people than me, If they finally find a better person to talk to... I don't mind at all. I don't want to sound selfish, but that's what they supposed to do and what I couldn't do, and that really matters to me! Because it's me who I am talking about. Of course I care about me, I mind my own business, and to consider myself unable do something what people can easily do. I am an embarrassing and pathetic piece of meat.

Tapi aku masih ngga ngerti (jujur aja sampai sekarang) apa yang harus kuubah, aku sudah jadi diriku, aku memang cuek, aku memang ngga peka, aku memang hanya suka ngomong sama yang aku kenal, aku memang males untuk sapa hai sana sini dan bukan tipe orang yang suka graat greet sana sini di bbm (I did that a few times already though ><), terus kenapa? Apa yang salah?
Kalau aku terlalu cablak atau kalau aku memang suka asal ngomong, memang itu berarti sekali ya? Bukannya kalau pertemanan lebih baik jujur pada teman? Aku engga ngerti sebelah mana aku salahnya, aku cuma ngga mau hidupku kayak drama-drama which always end because of the foolishness of the main character and mostly it's because they lied to their friends/lovers.

Lalu aku salah apa? Aku kurang apa? Apa aku memang sebegitu ngeboseninnya sekarang dibandingkan mereka mereka yang udah punya pikiran dewasa? Aku kekanak-kanakan banget apa?

Sampai tadi pagi aku masih mikirin itu... sampai akhirnya tadi siang...

kesayangan @Widyasasa & @VirdaBerlianti

si cewek cewek ini dateng dan langsung grabak-grubuk di dalem kamarku, segala laptop, kamera, hapeku di buka-bukain :")

Mereka tuh memang deket dari kelas 7 jadi kalau mereka nyebelin akunya udah biasa ~~~\o/ tapi main sama mereka dibawanya ketawa melulu deh! Gimana engga ketawa kalau temenmu dateng-dateng buka laptop kamu terus nunjukkin video parodi eyang subur paling kocak yang pernah kamu tonton? Gimana engga ketawa kalau temenmu dateng-dateng langsung ambil kamera dan mau self-camera dan lupa kalau kameranya di timer dan hasil fotonya fail abis dan itu ngga jadi avatar twitter melainkan akhirnya jadi aib doang? Gimana engga ketawa kalau pas kamu nemuin sesuatu di twitter yang bikin kamu sedih dan langsung cerita ke mereka, dan mereka langsung bahas-bahas hal kocak yang bikin kamu lupa sama sesuatu di twitter itu? Gimana engga ketawa kalau biasanya dirumah kamu makan dengan normal sama keluargamu dan malah tiba-tiba kamu makan sama orang terkurus di dunia yang makan nasi dua bakul? Gimana engga ketawa kalau kamu pas engga punya uang buat beli sushi dan akhirnya malah ke minimarket buat beli seaweed kering yang seharusnya sih buat snack tapi malah dipaksa untuk dijadiin sushi?

Main sama mereka tadi siang, udah ngembaliin tawa selama berbulan-bulan yang sempet ke pause kalau ibarat game online. Pas banget, main setelah hari terakhir UN dan ketawa puas banget.

Sampai akhirnya, hal yang selama ini aku pertanyakan dan disimpan untuk dijawab sendiri, aku tanya ke mereka dan mereka sama sekali engga menjawab dengan aneh. Mereka engga yang kayak 'gue engga ah, lo aja kali' dan mereka santai aja setelah aku bilang kayak begitu. Aku sempet kaget, deg-degan nunggu mereka jawab, tapi... hah? mereka cuma gitu?

Butuh waktu yang cukup lama buat aku sadar kalau ternyata memang cuma aku yang belum berubah. Mungkin mereka sudah, tapi mereka ngga berubah pas sama aku, mereka ya jadi mereka yang aku kenal pas sama aku. Hal yang aku suka dari mereka, mereka itu pas buat aku. Pas aku ngobrolin teenage things which including love life, mereka hayuk aja gitu, mereka ikutin alur aku ngomong, dan aku juga terkadang engga sadar kalau aku bisa tiba-tiba join ke new topic yang udah engga menyangkut aku tapi menyangkut mereka dan pas aku ngobrolin childish things, lame jokes, mereka juga ikut... Aku jadi tiga ababil yang gagal lawak karena biasanya kita cuma melontarkan inside jokes yang cuma dimengerti kita bertiga hehehe ;;)

Mereka engga bikin aku merasa kekanak-kanakan dan mereka ada disaat aku ketawa dan butuh ketawa.

Akhirnya, aku sadar kalau perubahan yang sebenernya itu bukan yang asal-asal cuma karena kamu harus. Perubahan itu akan terjadi sendiri nanti, ketika hatimu merasa kamu harus, ketika kamu menemukan hal yang worthy untuk ngubah kamu untuk bikin kamu berubah. Berubah itu bukan cuma sekedar niat, tapi perlu hati juga. Karena kalau kamu mau berubah tapi hatimu tetap sama yang belum berubah, apalah arti perubahan? Perubahan juga walaupun ada yang buruk, tapi kita semua berharapnya yang terbaik, kan? Lagipula, jika memang kamu merasa kalau kamu HARUS berubah, kamu perlu mengitarkan pandanganmu untuk mencari orang, teman, sahabat, keluarga yang mau menerimamu sebelumnya kamu, setelahnya kamu dan apa adanya kamu.

side notes: Hey Virda dan Widya. I had so much fun today with you two, hope we can do it often since we've freed from test and we're about to part from each other (though I really hope to go to the same school as you guys) and I'm sorry if I've made so much mistakes to you since our first meeting, especially Virda, I don't want to be one of those people who 'feel that person is important once they lost them' so sorry if I ever make space with you. I love you two! <3 i="">

Annisa FR

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